A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for reviewing the
prospects of long-term marital success.
When it comes to making the decision about choosing life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.
Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent (in USA), it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr. /Ms. Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.
Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.
Let me say it again:
You CANNOT build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.
When it comes to making the decision about choosing life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.
Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent (in USA), it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr. /Ms. Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.
Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.
Let me say it again:
You CANNOT build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.
Here are 3 questions you must
ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION #1:
Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat & jog together? You need to
share something deeper & more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing
apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - & marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION #2:
Do I feel safe expressing my feelings & thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust- i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts & feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts & feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION #3:
Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined & sensitive person. How can you test?
Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A
teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good & do the right thing."
So ask about your significant other:
What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinements.
There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated.
QUESTION #1:
Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat & jog together? You need to
share something deeper & more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing
apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - & marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION #2:
Do I feel safe expressing my feelings & thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust- i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts & feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts & feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION #3:
Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined & sensitive person. How can you test?
Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A
teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good & do the right thing."
So ask about your significant other:
What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinements.
There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated.
'I Love You'!
01. Say it by telephone
Find out the number of a public telephone booth, and then secretly dial that number from your mobile as you walk past it with your lover. Suggest that he/she answer the call, and then tell him/her your message.
02. Say it at a restaurant
Make sure you go somewhere that serves alphabet noodles.
03. Say it with a paper plane
Write your messages on a piece of paper, fold it into a paper plane, and throw it across the room to your lover.
04. Say it with a kiss
But don't say it with your mouth full - better still "send a kiss card"
05. Say it in Italian
using your hands to make the appropriate gestures.
06. Say it in reverse
Post a "think you" dedication declaring your love. Tell your lover about a mysterious dedication to yourself. Out of curiosity your lover will look up the dedication only to find the dedication is to her/him.
07. Say it in picture-message
while taking a shower, take a snap of yourself with the built in camera of your new cell phone (mobile) and send it as picture-message to your loves mobile.
08. Say it with action
Tell your lover you love him/her this much. Then stretch out your arms as far as possible. But don't do it in a tight area.
09. Say it out of the blue
Send your love a virtual thinking-of-you blue rose with the message, "Out of the blue, I'm in love with you."
10. Say it with money
Write out a cheque for $1 million in your loves name. Then tear it up, put it in an envelope with a message, "I was going to send you $1 million, until I realized money can't buy love."
11. Say it when you have forgotten to say it
when you and your love are relaxing suddenly pretend you forgot to do something very important that day. Act as if you're very concerned because it was an important omission. When she/he insist on knowing what you forgot you say, "I forgot to tell you I love you."
12. Say it in the nude
Spend an evening naked together, then confirm that despite the way he/she look you still love him/her.
SINGLE UNDERLINE BELOW THE SIGN!!
These persons are very confident and are good personalities. They are a little bit selfish but believe in "Happiness of human life".
TWO DOTS BELOW THE SIGN!!
These persons are considered to be Romantic, can easily change their fiancées as if they change their clothes. They prefer beauty in other persons & they themselves try to look beautiful. They easily attract others.
SINGLE DOT BELOW THE SIGN!!
These persons are more inclined towards classical arts, simple & are very cool. If you loose faith with them, then these persons will never look back at you. Hence it’s always better to be careful with these people.
NO UNDERLINES OR DOTS BELOW THE SIGN!!
These persons enjoy their life in their own way; never pay attention to others views. These are considered to be good natured but are selfish too.
RANDOM SIGN, NO SIMILARITY BETWEEN NAME & SIGN!!
These persons try to be very smart, hide each & every matter, never say anything in straight forward manner, and never pay attention to the other person of what he/she is talking.
RANDOM SIGN, SIMILARITY BETWEEN NAME & SIGN!!
These persons are considered to be intelligent but never think. These people change their ideas & views as fast as the wind changes its direction of flow. They never think whether that particular thing is right or wrong. You can win them just by flattering them.
SIGN IN PRINTED LETTERS!!
These persons are very kind to us, have a good heart, selfless, and are ready to sacrifice their life for the sake of their near & dear. But these seem to think a lot and may get angry very soon.
WRITING COMPLETE NAME AS THEIR SIGN!!
These persons are very kind hearted, can adjust themselves to any environment & to the person they are talking. These persons are very firm on their views & posses a lot of will power.
These persons are very confident and are good personalities. They are a little bit selfish but believe in "Happiness of human life".
TWO DOTS BELOW THE SIGN!!
These persons are considered to be Romantic, can easily change their fiancées as if they change their clothes. They prefer beauty in other persons & they themselves try to look beautiful. They easily attract others.
SINGLE DOT BELOW THE SIGN!!
These persons are more inclined towards classical arts, simple & are very cool. If you loose faith with them, then these persons will never look back at you. Hence it’s always better to be careful with these people.
NO UNDERLINES OR DOTS BELOW THE SIGN!!
These persons enjoy their life in their own way; never pay attention to others views. These are considered to be good natured but are selfish too.
RANDOM SIGN, NO SIMILARITY BETWEEN NAME & SIGN!!
These persons try to be very smart, hide each & every matter, never say anything in straight forward manner, and never pay attention to the other person of what he/she is talking.
RANDOM SIGN, SIMILARITY BETWEEN NAME & SIGN!!
These persons are considered to be intelligent but never think. These people change their ideas & views as fast as the wind changes its direction of flow. They never think whether that particular thing is right or wrong. You can win them just by flattering them.
SIGN IN PRINTED LETTERS!!
These persons are very kind to us, have a good heart, selfless, and are ready to sacrifice their life for the sake of their near & dear. But these seem to think a lot and may get angry very soon.
WRITING COMPLETE NAME AS THEIR SIGN!!
These persons are very kind hearted, can adjust themselves to any environment & to the person they are talking. These persons are very firm on their views & posses a lot of will power.
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